It’s hard enough to reach a destination without knowing exactly how to get there. But imagine trying to navigate the path alongside someone who may or may not even be going to the same place! What does that have to do with learning how to budget as a married couple? Everything. 

“I like to think of personal finance as a journey,” says Rachel Lawrence of Monarch Money. “Whenever you're taking a trip, you kind of need to know your destination and where you're starting so you can plot out that route and alternatives.”

Learning how to budget as a married couple is one of the most powerful ways to get on the same financial page as your spouse. Check out Rachel’s six tips for developing a financial family roadmap that can get you where you want to go as a couple.  

Start With Your Dreams

Let’s face it, sitting down with your spouse and a spreadsheet isn’t most couples' idea of a romantic evening. That’s why Rachel recommends starting with an exercise that can shift the focus to your goals rather than the math you’re about to contend with. 

“One of the most fun things to do in personal finance is to dream about what you want to do with your life,” she says. “That little daydream exercise, my favorite one to assign to folks, and the favorite one that I do with my own partner as well.”

Not only is dreaming about the future a lot of fun, but it’s also an important part of getting on the same page about your goals and financial values. 

“When people get married, they share at least some core values and some goals in life,” Rachel points out. “If you're trying to reach a specific goal or fulfill certain core values, you're going to need to be able to put your money where your heart is.” 

So the next time you and your spouse sit down to work on your family budget, try starting with the end goal in mind. Once you’re on the same page about where you want to go, you can begin working backward to figure out the best way to get there. 

Schedule It

It may come as no surprise that budgeting as a married couple isn’t a one-and-done conversation. Nor is it the kind of thing you want to spring on your spouse as they walk in from a long day at the office. 

Schedule your monthly or even bi-weekly budget meetings in advance, so you can each come to the table prepared. But don’t be afraid to find ways to make the whole thing feel less like a board meeting and more like a date. 

“In my relationship, we call it ‘super sexy money dates.’” Rachel laughs. “We know that we're going to bring our favorite beverage…a cup of tea, whatever. It just adds a little bit of humor and levity to a serious thing that we're doing together.” 

Use a Budgeting Tool 

If it’s been a while since you’ve attempted to make a budget, then boy do we have great news for you. Budgeting software has come a long way in the last few years alone. Apps like Monarch Money now contain everything you need to stay on top of your finances in one place. 

Monarch Money first hit the scene in 2018 and has since become a favorite of budgeters everywhere. 

As Rachel explains, Monarch allows you to “see all your accounts in one place. You can see all your spending, all of your income. And then once you know what that is, you can also set your goals and of course, you can also set a budget in Monarch to help you get there.”

But Monarch’s collaboration capabilities are also part of what’s made it a favorite of couples everywhere. Once subscribed, you can add your partner to your account for no extra charge. 

This makes it easy to track both separate and joint bank accounts, all in one handy place. You can even use Monarch to collaborate with financial pros such as financial planners, tax professionals, or money coaches. 

Get Comfortable Talking About Money

Now for the fun part–figuring out how to get your partner on board! Admittedly, this is easier in some cases than in others. Start by trying to help your partner pinpoint their roadblock. 

If it’s as simple as a hatred for math, then starting with the daydreaming exercise outlined in step one may do the trick. Get your partner to reveal their dream for the future and then ask questions that pull them into the details. Imagine, for instance, that your spouse reveals that they’d love to travel. 

“Okay, narrow that down. Do you want to buy an RV and go to all the US National Parks?”  Rachel advises asking. “What is it going to take? How much is the RV? How much time off do you need?”

This tactic helps people get around the stigma of talking about money and financial goals. “And then the more you practice talking about them,” Rachel says, “the easier it gets.”

Examine Financial Blockers

Don’t panic if a little daydreaming doesn’t get your partner on board. As Rachel points out, many people have issues around money that go even deeper than they realize. 

“Most of the time, our opinions and our beliefs about money are shaped by the time we're like 7 to 10 years old,” she says. “I cannot recommend it highly enough to sit and talk and actually think consciously about all these unconscious beliefs, and things we were taught growing up that really form our opinions about money.”

As it turns out, such financial hang-ups are so common that an entire industry has sprung up to help people combat them. The Financial Therapy Association is a great resource for finding a certified therapist who can help you or your partner work through stubborn money blocks. 

Stay Supportive and Consistent

Much like any other goal, learning how to budget as a married couple takes time and practice. Rest assured that it’s completely normal to experience ups and downs, especially if this is your first time budgeting as part of a team.  

But the longer you stick with it, the more you’ll realize that budgeting as a couple isn’t all about money. While it’s definitely a great financial tool, it’s also an opportunity to practice communication, compromise, and understanding. Don’t be surprised if you notice these skills from your money meetings working their way into other aspects of your relationship. 

Last but not least, don’t be afraid to find ways to add your own unique spin to your money journey. Schedule a meal at your favorite restaurant on budget night, create a vision board, or incorporate any other slant that keeps things fun for you as a couple.

Final Thoughts on How to Budget as a Married Couple 

As it turns out, budgeting as a couple doesn’t have to be a chore! Keeping your eye on the prize can be a powerful way to turn your financial journey into a shared adventure. 

“It's a strategy that a lot of professional athletes use: visualizing that future and then every single step that you need to take to get there,” Rachel says. “So you can use that same tool in a partnership, in a relationship.”

Ready to get equipped with a powerful tool to help you reach your destination? Check out how Monarch Money can help you and your spouse get (and stay) on track to the shared future of your dreams. 

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